As families gather around those in hospice care, there’s a desire to connect and find meaning in these precious moments. However, knowing what to say can feel overwhelming. The weight of the situation, coupled with the desire to offer comfort, can sometimes leave us feeling speechless.
These conversations are opportunities for connection, love, and peace. Here are some conversation starters and ideas to help guide you as you spend time with your loved one in hospice.
Focus on Comfort & Presence
Just being there for your loved one is more important than having the “right words” to say. Be in the moment and listen to what they have to say. You can signal your care and presence by saying:
- “Is there anything I can do to make you more comfortable right now?” Offers practical and open-ended support.
- “I’m just going to sit here with you for a while.” This shows your support and presence.
- “Can I get you something to eat?” Gives them specific support to respond to.
Share Memories
Reminiscing together can be a beautiful way to spark joy and connection. You might even hear stories you haven’t heard before:
- “Do you remember the time when…?” Think of some of your favorite shared moments together – both silly and heartfelt.
- “What’s one of your favorite memories?” Encourage them to reflect on cherished moments.
- “I always loved hearing your stories about…” Spark conversation about their life story.
- “What are some of the things you’re most proud of?” Give them an opportunity to share their favorite accomplishments and legacy.
Express Love & Gratitude
Simple words can carry profound meaning. Don’t underestimate the power of expressing your feelings:
- “I love you.” or “You mean so much to me.” These both are simple and meaningful ways to express your feelings.
- “Thank you for…” Think of how you want to express your gratitude for them. It doesn’t have to be one big moment, think of the little everyday things you’ve appreciated over the years.
- “I’ll always remember…” Highlight a specific quality or moment you cherish with them.
Explore Feelings & Provide Reassurance
It’s important to follow your loved one’s lead and create a safe space for them to share. You can say:
- “How are you feeling today?” Offer space for them to share, without pressure and just focusing on the current moment.
- “It’s okay to feel whatever you’re feeling.” or “You don’t have to be strong right now.” These phrases validate their emotions and give them permission to be vulnerable.
- “We’re all here for you.” Reassure them of the family’s support.
- “We will take care of everything.” Offer comfort and reduce worry about practical matters.
Helpful Tips for Meaningful Conversations
As you engage in these conversations, keep these helpful tips in mind:
- Listen – Allow your loved one to lead the conversation. Be present and attentive to their words and non-verbal cues.
- Keep it simple – Their energy levels may be low. Brief, meaningful exchanges are often best.
- Remember they’re the same person as always – They’re still who you’ve always known, so try to maintain the same way you’ve acted towards them before.
- Talk about everyday things – A simple conversation about the weather or a recent event can provide a sense of normalcy.
- Be sensitive to their mood – If they are tired or withdrawn, simply being present in silence can be a good form of connection.
- Lean on the hospice team – The nurses, social workers, and chaplains can be invaluable resources for you. They offer guidance and support in navigating these conversations.
It’s most important to come from a place of love, compassion, and a willingness to connect. By offering your presence, sharing heartfelt sentiments, and listening with an open heart, you can create moments of peace and connection that will be treasured by both you and your loved one during this time.
At Friendship Village, we understand the importance of these moments and are here to support you and your family. Reach out to our hospice team for additional guidance and resources.