No one knows you quite like your parents. They’ve supported you through life’s most challenging moments and celebrated your biggest achievements, which is why you’d do anything to ensure their health and happiness.
So when your aging parents refuse help, it can be particularly frustrating. If you’re struggling to communicate with your parents, you’re not alone. In fact, 77% of adult children believe their parents are stubborn about getting extra help with daily tasks.
Read why your parents might refuse help and learn six tips on how to have a conversation with your mom and dad about Assisted Living.
Why Aging Parents Refuse Help
There are many reasons your aging parents may refuse help. One reason could be their go-getter personality. A study published by The Journal of Gerontology linked individual characteristics like tenacity and being strong-willed to how well seniors accept help from their children. Parents who are self-made, hard workers and have a drive to provide for themselves may refuse help because they believe they can handle everything on their own, like they have for years.
Other parents are uncomfortable with the negative stereotypes of aging and fear losing their independence. While they want to enjoy a long life, they don’t necessarily want to face the challenging situations and lifestyle changes that come with growing old.
The good news is that many parents recognize they’re being difficult about receiving help. The same study also revealed that 20% of participating parents self-reported stubborn behavior occurring often over the span of a few months. This could mean your mom and dad are more open to senior living than you think, you just need to find out the right way to communicate with them.
How to Talk to Your Parents About Assisted Living
The most important thing you can do when facing your parent’s refusal for extra help is to treat them with validation and respect. Their opinions are important and you can’t force them into senior living. You might need to keep having this conversation over several weeks, months and possibly years.
That doesn’t mean having a conversation about Assisted Living needs to be difficult. Here are a few tips on how to talk to aging parents who refuse help:
1. Evaluate their situation and start small
When aging parents refuse help, care can often come as small favors in order to warm them up to the idea of receiving more assistance with their daily activities. Evaluate their situation and look for small ways to offer help. For example, you can have a neighbor help them around the house one or two days a week, offer to pick up groceries or take them to a doctor’s appointment and then out to lunch.
Gradually introducing help shows your parents that you respect their boundaries and independence, and might make it easier to approach the conversation about Assisted Living.
2. Explain how Assisted Living can maintain their independence
While assistance from professional caregivers is available 24/7, the goal of Assisted Living is to provide your parents with just the right amount of help to maintain or improve their independence — no more, no less.
For instance, if your mom or dad has difficulty getting dressed, they may have stopped wearing button-up shirts or zip-up sweaters. Assisted living services can help them get dressed in their favorite clothes again. Maybe, your parents used to enjoy working out, but health concerns have prevented them from getting to the gym. Wellness coordinators and personal trainers in senior living can personalize a routine just for them.
3. Mention how senior care options also benefit you
Life Plan Communities, like ours at Friendship Village, offer a continuum of care that ensures your mom and dad’s health care needs are always met on the same campus with predictable monthly rates. This means your parents have a plan of action if they should ever develop additional health concerns, and you won’t need to find space in your schedule for caregiving duties or room in your budget for the future costs of senior care.
Knowing they’re providing their children and grandchildren with this peace of mind could be just the motivation they need to make the move to Assisted Living.
4. Talk about the benefits of maintenance-free living
Notice your parents putting off housework or lawn care? At Friendship Village, our floor plans are maintenance free and include all utilities (gas, water, sewer and electricity), local and long-distance telephone service, and cable TV. This means they don’t have to keep track of multiple bills or worry about unexpected household repairs.
Floor plans in Assisted Living are thoughtfully designed with residents in mind. Features like walk-showers, countertop sinks, wider doorways and open living spaces make getting around their home much easier. Services like weekly housekeeping, flat linen laundry service and scheduled transportation offer a life of convenience, and allow your parents to spend more time on activities they enjoy.
5. Show them vibrant senior living
It’s common for seniors to recall images of drab nursing homes from decades past. However, senior living has transformed over the years, and your parents may need to see it to believe it.
Schedule tours of senior living communities where they can see residents thriving and experience the vibrant atmosphere for themselves. Have lunch in a dining venue or try to arrange for them to take part in activities. Take a moment to draw their attention to warm, welcoming social spaces, blossoming gardens and beautifully appointed residences.
6. Remind them how much senior living offers
Though getting help with daily activities is essential to maintaining independence, it’s only a small part of senior living. Talk with your parents about their hobbies and retirement goals, and remind them they can still enjoy their favorite activities and achieve their ideal retirement lifestyle.
They’re still plenty of opportunities to expand their hobbies, make new friends and enjoy an independent lifestyle. At Friendship Village, our Assisted Living communities feature a full schedule of activities and events that include creative arts classes, live entertainment, functional fitness classes, putting green contests and drama groups.
Discover How Friendship Village Takes Retirement to the Next Level
As soon as you arrive at one of our senior living communities in St. Louis, MO, you’ll immediately feel at home. Open the door to endless possibilities and the retirement lifestyle your loved one deserves by contacting our team online. We’ll match you with the right community and set up an in-person visit!